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Flat Competition

The Flat Competition, featuring the NPL's signature puzzles created by members, is one of the highlights of the convention.

This year's competition is titled A CHILD'S GARDEN OF FLATS and is organized by Saxifrage.

Send some flats.
Send some flats.
For us to solve!
For us to solve!
With clever new bases and witty new verse (Which could be quite long or incredibly terse).
Oh, please help me out and don't leave me to curse, And send some flats!

Yes, that's right, it's time for the annual flat competition! This year, we're bringing back the all-singable flat competition -- but this time around, we're doing children's songs. Think back to your childhood -- or think of what your children torment you with now.

Whether it's a nursery classic or the latest Disney hit, any children's song is fair game. Craft your best pastiche, and send it to me at saxifrage@puzzlers.org by JUNE 25 at the absolute latest.

(Sooner is better!) Please put "Con flat submission" or something similar in the subject line, so I'll know that's what it is.

A few guidelines:

• Remember that these flats will be being solved without access to references, so please try to stick to reasonably familiar words.
• All flats in this competition should be singable -- that is, pastiches of existing songs. Please include the name of the original song when you send your flat to me; I'll make a list to go with the answers in case people are curious.
• Feel free to send multiple flats; I'll forward ones I don't use to Teki.

I'm hoping that we can have a flat singalong, if we can get a piano.

The thought was to have this during the lull between dinner and the extravaganza on Saturday night. If anyone would be willing to be the pianist, it would be much appreciated.

Finally, I could use a couple of test-solvers, so if you're not going to be at Con (or are willing to give up participating in the competition), let me know.

Thanks, and remember: Don't worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to solve, Just send.... send a flat!